Autumn Leaf

I am a leaf

Without its tinct

One among many

Myself indistinct

Clutched by the arm

Of an autumn tree

Barren and brown

With nothing to breathe

Just like summer

And its dry heat

My color’s gone

My hue's left me

I’m just a leaf

I'm not unique

Like my fellows

On that old tree 

I will fall soon

Inevitably

I will float down

On a fall breeze 

I will lay claim

To grass as my bed

And I’ll lay to rest

A small spot of red

On thousands of blades

Of vibrant green

Their color is theirs;

No color for me

I’ll turn to brown

And I’ll become stiff

And just as with all

I’ll blow with the wind

Worn, colorless

Stiff, indistinct

I’ll be a leaf

Gone by with a blink

In the Moment

Coffee and pop tarts

In an empty house

Cowboy chords ring out

Through the kitchen which

Is lit by golden sun

To an A minor

And as I sit here

And fuck up my scales

As steam lifts from my mug

With hours til my day

I am thankful to

Whatever gears may turn

This world - I am

Thankful, because for

One morning of mine

At 21 years 

I savor this now

For I am at peace

My Nightlight

I always needed a

Nightlight to sleep - Less,

I’d fear throughout the night

Of isolation true

I grew up so afraid

That the cold dark just might

Swallow me up whole

And I would not see light

So as I grew and learned

I bought a desktop light

I plugged it in my wall

And armed myself such that

I might be strong throughout

That ever-fright'ning night

I settled in my bed

And I turned on my light

And yet, I laid awake

Still so l consumed by night

I thought that I’d be safe

But here, alone in dark

I found myself so weak

Still so full of my fear

Of the things lying close

In shadows so unclear

A light may bring comfort

Or some passing relief

But while a soul remains

Afraid, it just distracts

So I stood up and sat

In my darkness a while

And engulfed in my fear

I grew to crack a smile

Spectacle

Oh, spectacle -
that rush of sugar
felt throughout my bones!
The feeling of
new, and rejection
of that which was old!

That which now lies
before me - not
in body, but in
mind, and in dream -
is fantastic,
and must be known!

I with my tools -
so trusty til now -
am at a loss
to describe this

Just know that I
was entertained

Days We Didn't Reach

I dreamt last night

Of many things -

Incoherent messes

Of color, sound

And imagery

- but clearest of all

I dreamt of your face

You smiled at me

And asked my name

And reenacted

How we met

You yelled at me

A callous replay

Of our last days

You made your points

And I made mine

I dreamt of you

In terms unreal

Of days we didn’t reach

I dreamt of sun

And smiling faces

Yours, most clearly

I wanted to run

To grab your cheeks

And kiss you

To fall to ground

And apologize

For all of my shortcomings

To stand up and say

That I don’t need you

And walk away 

Trying to believe it

So many things

That I would do

But I all did

Was dream of you -

Your face, so clearly -

And days we didn’t reach

Glass Essence

My essence is glass

The casing is cracked

The lessons I’ve learned are ingrained

This man has learned

How quickly hours pass

Swept up like sand in the waves

My structure is known

And to it, I ‘scribe

I keep to the rules I'm told

But on the horizon

I see with these eyes

The chaos that threatens my soul

My hourglass, oh

It's long since been flipped

I’ve come to accept

That my clock runs fast;

With each falling grain

Fifteen more sneak past

The seconds don’t last

Too fast to complain

As structure slips by

Quickly, out of my hands

I watch as it crumbles

To nothing but echoes

A constitution

With no ruling class

And suddenly -

These walls I once knew

Aren’t so strong anymore

I fear that I’ve entered

A swan dive; where first,

I lept - comprised, strong,

My eyes tightly closed -

Til chaos came calling

And twisted my arms

It tapped on my shoulders

And opened my eyes

To show me the water;

It approaches fast

My poise slowly slips

And soon I am falling

I’m out of control

The air whistles past

Blood pumps in my ears

So I close my eyes

For as I have learned

That’s all I can do

The surface is hard

My glass walls shatter

My sand grains scatter

And soon they are swept

Mixed with water by waves

You Need

Close your eyes

And tell yourself

That monsters aren’t real

You tell yourself

Don’t listen;

It’s all in your brain

Your worries,

They hinder you

You need to break

You need to build

Do something

Anything

You do nothing

You’re paralyzed

The seconds pass

You’ve lost your chance

And as it goes

Threadlike toward the wind

You accept it

You crack a smile

And crack inside

Show the world you’re fine

And breathe

It’s hard to try

But do so, please

Your mind’s become

Your enemy

You need,

But don’t know what you need

You crack a smile;

So does your heart

And you begin to bleed