the silence

It was not 

a woman’s gaze

that turned me

to stone

Was not

the temperature

that turned my

blood cold

And it was not

a cloudy day

that caused me 

to hang my head

It was the lack

of cause

that brought me

to my knees

It was the wind

empty as it came

and solemn as

it left

with no trace

It was 

the silence

that deafened me

and drowned out

all else around

Funny

Funny, how

once you’ve taken

a cloth to your mirror, 

you just might find

that you look

better than you thought

Funny, that;

for here I had

been under the impression

that I never needed

to clean

My head hurts,

my body aches,

and I am sick

in many ways;

and yet, I smile

shed my leaves

I shed my leaves,

for fall has come, 

and it has been 

far too long

since I've shed

that weight

I clear my skies,

my eyes, my mind;

the air has told me

that it’s time

Today is day one

of many more,

and many after those;

today, however,

is special

Because, today

I get the chance

to shed my leaves

and start again;

to face my fears

and insecurities;

my habits and

my self

Today

is day one,

and I

am ready

to begin again

Autumn Leaf

I am a leaf

Without its tinct

One among many

Myself indistinct

Clutched by the arm

Of an autumn tree

Barren and brown

With nothing to breathe

Just like summer

And its dry heat

My color’s gone

My hue's left me

I’m just a leaf

I'm not unique

Like my fellows

On that old tree 

I will fall soon

Inevitably

I will float down

On a fall breeze 

I will lay claim

To grass as my bed

And I’ll lay to rest

A small spot of red

On thousands of blades

Of vibrant green

Their color is theirs;

No color for me

I’ll turn to brown

And I’ll become stiff

And just as with all

I’ll blow with the wind

Worn, colorless

Stiff, indistinct

I’ll be a leaf

Gone by with a blink

In the Moment

Coffee and pop tarts

In an empty house

Cowboy chords ring out

Through the kitchen which

Is lit by golden sun

To an A minor

And as I sit here

And fuck up my scales

As steam lifts from my mug

With hours til my day

I am thankful to

Whatever gears may turn

This world - I am

Thankful, because for

One morning of mine

At 21 years 

I savor this now

For I am at peace

My Nightlight

I always needed a

Nightlight to sleep - Less,

I’d fear throughout the night

Of isolation true

I grew up so afraid

That the cold dark just might

Swallow me up whole

And I would not see light

So as I grew and learned

I bought a desktop light

I plugged it in my wall

And armed myself such that

I might be strong throughout

That ever-fright'ning night

I settled in my bed

And I turned on my light

And yet, I laid awake

Still so l consumed by night

I thought that I’d be safe

But here, alone in dark

I found myself so weak

Still so full of my fear

Of the things lying close

In shadows so unclear

A light may bring comfort

Or some passing relief

But while a soul remains

Afraid, it just distracts

So I stood up and sat

In my darkness a while

And engulfed in my fear

I grew to crack a smile

Spectacle

Oh, spectacle -
that rush of sugar
felt throughout my bones!
The feeling of
new, and rejection
of that which was old!

That which now lies
before me - not
in body, but in
mind, and in dream -
is fantastic,
and must be known!

I with my tools -
so trusty til now -
am at a loss
to describe this

Just know that I
was entertained