Home for the Holidays

Ironic

That this place where I grew up

The room in which I came of age

This house - so big

And this town - so small

Though shrouded in memory

- each annal with its own story -

And housing those I love

Ironic, it is

That out this window

The very window out of which

Countless nights I laid awake

And asked the moon my fortune

As teenage angst did sweep my heart

Out this window

All I see

Is dying branches

Browned arms of lifeless trees

A graveyard boreal

Ironic

That I only visit here in winter

A lifeless time of year

Though cozy in a bed of love

Encircled in my family’s warmth 

Outside, there is only cold

And gazing out my window

- a man, no more a boy -

All I see are withered memories

Disparate reminders

Of time’s steady gait

A westward wind howls

It’s time to move on

This place

Though here my family stays

Is not my home

And once they leave

I’ll close my blinds

And I won’t look back

Thoughts Post-Meditation

If life is a film reel, the present is the projector. Each second that we’ve experienced - each moment, breathe - is encased eternally in one frame of film. The sum of those frames is our life, the span that we are present upon this earth. Though we have millions of frames in our life, we have only a fleeting second to cherish each one individually.

Of course, with the illumination of the present, there are bound to be shadows. Each figure in your frame casts a dark replica behind them, invariably and despite any efforts to the contrary. These shadows are not to be feared; in fact, they are to be embraced. For the shadows of our present are merely the reflections of the frames of our lives. For each dark shadow we see in our days, remember that each is but a consequence of the projector. We see darkness, but within each spot of dark is the essence of something illuminated by light.

This is the way in which we live - frame to frame, image to image, shadows to new shadows. We have millions of frames in our life; of those, a large majority will pass with no fanfare. But it’s our choice as to which frames we will choose to pause upon and cherish. When our film reel is paused, and we remove an individual frame from the context of the prior and the following, the individual beauty of that moment is clear. What else is clear is the true natures of the cast shadows. What would seem dark when looked at fleetingly is actually just a consequence of our life’s illuminations. 

Life can go by very fast; our film reel, if you will, has a lot of time to cover. Without our pauses, our frames will blend into each other until each moment’s preciousness is lost. It’s our right and our privilege to pause the movie. We have no way to rewind, nor to fast forward. Our film will one day end, but it’s up to us to ingest each moment heartily. When the credits roll, it’s the frames of our lives which we had paused upon that will shine in our memories the clearest.

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Use your pause button. Meditation takes only a bit of time out of your day, and it can make all of the difference when life gets ahead of you. I recommend Yoga Nidra meditation or, alternatively Vipassana. A good guided example of the latter can be found here: http://www.diydharma.org/guided-vipassana-meditation-joseph-goldstein

Tryst

She said “Baby, this is real love"

And I believed her

Until the evening found us screaming

And I had to leave her

Please don’t believe her

I didn’t mean to break her 

To make her just like me

A bitter young twentysomething

But that’s the way it goes

When your own selfish dreams

Are barely sealed at the seams

I knew I couldn’t love another

Until I learned to love me

But I thought I’d skip a step or two

For temporary company

And look where that left me

Alone the way I’m meant to be

Nothing gained but a new enemy

I wish you didn’t hate me

But hateful’s what the world made me

You may be with another guy

And I, alone entirely

I wish that I could take us back

To my palms on your back

A familiar scene

When it was you and me

We used to live in teenage dreams

Now I just see you mentally

Oh yes, I still find

That you’re still on my mind

But only sometimes

To stand on opposing sides

Of rented homes is our destiny

To awkwardly greet at every party

Where you dance with other guys

And I stand unaccompanied

That’s the way it’s meant to be

You and I weren’t meant to be

But what does “meant to” even mean?

I asked

Can we rewrite the scene?

Well, she said, not easily

It’d take a lot of work, you see

And if I know you -

And I’m sure that I do -

You’d never work that hard on anything

And so I’m once again lonely

Of my own accord, accordingly

I never doubted our chemistry

But it seems I was the wrong piece

Every single day you puzzled me

I don’t know what the hell you mean

You make it all about you

And then you say it’s ‘cause of me

Whatever - it’s over

I’m over it entirely

But I might not be

Your dark cloud’s still over me

The raincloud that follows me

When I look up, you’re what I see

The drops I feel are memories

Patchwork Man

I broke a couple years ago

I split right down the seams

The mark was sound but not lethal

Fissures run through my genes

And so I grabbed some superglue

Put it inside and squeezed

It won’t fix me, I knew - and yet

The sealant set with speed

A patchwork man, I found myself

But oh, it’s so easy

To anchor my thoughts to the ground

With externalities

My hourglass flipped long ago

Time’s not my friend it seems

My sand is sliding down the glass

Towards fiery hellish steam

But labored breath is better

Than fighting life without

The facade seen when judging me

Is never hard to doubt

But please don’t take my superglue

Without it I’m not whole

And even with, I’m fragile too

From fission in my soul

LouFest 2014 In Review, pt. 6

We left Cherub a little early to get moderately close for the next act. Who was it again? Well, they certainly confused me when they opened their set with the unmistakable hype of A$AP Rocky and Skrillex cut "Wild For The Night". We ran into the crowd as the song died down, and we were soon being serenaded by...

Grouplove

Again, in full honesty, I'm not too much of a Grouplove fan. I first heard of them from "Tongue Tied", as did many in the tightly packed crowd. But it was the eclectic album cuts like "Lovely Cup" and "Shark Attack" that really impressed me.

The five-some did away with their one-hit-wonder title pretty quickly, winning the crowd over with warm guitars and steady drumbeats. "Tongue Tied" was crammed in the middle of the set, almost unnoticeable amongst the stacked amount of album cuts. My two friends Kenzie and Sara, huge Grouplove fans, were having the time of their lives, and I couldn't have been happier to see it.

As someone not very familiar with the group, perhaps my favorite part of the set was an inspired cover of Beyoncé's "Drunk in Love". Beyoncé is one of my biggest weaknesses, and they were clearly aware. Although a rapped Jay-Z verse just wasn't in the cards, the cover was a compelling argument for Grouplove fanhood.

After Grouplove finished their set, we pushed our way into the tightest-packed crowd of the weekend for close spots at... wow, I still can't believe this...

OutKast

As Matt & Kim's power-pop faintly floated through the impatient crowd waiting for the rap act of the century, we stood like sardines with no room for movement whatsoever. But knowing that Big and Dre would soon be out in front of us, we stuck it out.

I, like many suburban children of my age, first heard of OutKast in the blur of childhood thanks to smash hits "Hey Ya!" and "The Way You Move". It wasn't until I picked up a used copy of "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below" as a teenager that I began to dive deeper into their legendary albums. Among their extensive back-log, "Aquemini" stuck out to me as a favorite thanks to their pioneering blend of rap lyricism with jazz and rock influenced instrumentals.

So it was with baited breath that we waited, and the wait went fast. They started with "B.O.B", rushing our heartbeats to match the 154 bpm pace. They closed by reminding us that they do it for "The Whole World", rolling out an exclusive from the Big & Dre Greatest Hits pack. And everything in between was magical.

"Don't everybody like the smell of gasoline?"

"Old school players to new school fools, cats keep it jumping like kangaroos"

"I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, oooh, I am for real..."

The hits kept rolling, and the quotables were quoted. My favorite track of theirs, "SpottieOttieDopalicious" came relatively quickly with a beautiful full-band rendition highlighting the song's furtive horn line. Big Boi's solo set included the extremely-hyped "Kryptonite" and the lightning pace of "GhettoMusick" before jumping into "The Way You Move" with Sleepy Brown to add a silky smooth breakdown.

For André's solo section, he serenaded the crowd with "Prototype" and "She Lives In My Lap" before blasting into "Hey Ya!", shooting most of us back to 2003 in instants. The duo reunited for "Roses" and "So Fresh, So Clean", the latter featuring a backdrop of cows tip-toe-wing-in-their-jawwdinz through a field.

It's clear that I loved the set. What really stuck out to me, though was something almost entirely unrelated to the music. At the start of the set, as the curtain dropped, each bandmember had their hands up. André's famously shifting jumpsuit message read "Can One Rest In Peace And Violence?", a chilling statement to make just miles away from the recent terrors in Ferguson. It was a tasteful tribute and solemn reminder that even as we danced, the world kept turning. To take such an important case to the festival frontlines was a very respectable move on André's part, and the moment was one that would stand out to me above the whole weekend.

The weekend was over almost as soon as it started. We headed back to Columbia on coffee and the familiar post-concert high. LouFest killed it this year, and I can easily say that I'll be heading back to Forest Park in '15!

LouFest 2014 In Review, pt. 5

We stuck around at the from of the Bud Light stage after Portugal. to secure front row seats. We were among several OutKast fans who had been camping there already and were waiting for the last set of the day. We had a few more to see yet, but for now, the seats were secured for...

Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue

How about a rock band from New Orleans fronted by a soulful singer with a talent for the Trombone? Trombone Shorty may have been an out-of-the-blue choice for many, but we were more than excited to see him break out jams like "Hurricane Season" and "Buckjump".

Trombone Shorty himself was on top of his game, bringing out his full vocal range as well as some fine-tuned trombone playing to impress the crowd of thousands. Though many seemed to be unaware of the band, they were soon won over. The sheer energy of the set was mostly unrivaled throughout the day.

It's easy to forget the backing band with such a prevalent frontman, but Orleans Avenue held down the fort with ease. A notable alto sax player lent a hand to some of the more horn-filled numbers, while the drummer was as tight as he sounded on the album. Trombone Shorty may have been playing in a park in St. Louis, but we were all on Orleans Ave for an hour.

Having said goodbye to our friends still waiting for OutKast, we headed back to the Forest Park stage for the last time to dance to...

Cherub

A personal favorite of mine, Cherub is an easy go-to for dance grooves and disco revival fun. They started their high-energy set with the brilliantly cheeky "<3", featuring lyrics about taking a sledgehammer to a car.

Though a sizeable amount of the crowd was clearly only there for closer "Doses & Mimosas", the two-piece performed an unfazed and strong set drawing from all 3 of their albums. Of particular note was the partially acapella "Disco Shit", which still managed to whip the crowd into a frenzy despite almost no collective lyrical knowledge.

Sexual anthem "Work The Middle" was appropriated by our back-of-the-crowd crew as an excuse to start a swaying dance circle to the chorus of "back and forth, back and forth." What started small quickly grew to 30-plus festivalgoers, and once the beats kicked back in, the dance-offs began. Through a powerful cover of Calvin Harris' "Feel So Close", we and dozens of strangers fist-pumped and showed off our questionable moves. It was one of the most unique and memorable moments of the whole weekend, and I couldn't have asked for it to happen at a better set.

The set wound down, and as "Doses" blasted through the park, we headed back to the main stage for the remainder of the fest. I'll continue shortly with reviews of Grouplove and OutKast!

LouFest 2014 In Review, pt. 4

So, day one was over. Day two, though. Oh man. It was hard to believe going in that I would be seeing OutKast in a few very short hours. But back to the beginning of the day, we started things off with...

Old Salt Union

I'm not the biggest bluegrass fan in my house, but man were these guys good. Fiddles, fiddles everywhere! The upright bass was a nice touch, certainly not something common among the rest of the act. It was a sunny way to start a sunny day.

Unfortunately, we only stayed for a few songs before heading over to Pretty Little Empire and the food stations, and my only video was interrupted by my roommate talking about how proud he was that he used a waterless toothbrush to brush that day. It happens.

So, after some gyros and tacos for good luck, we decided to forego the main stage Empires set in order to get good spots for...

Glass Animals

Given how excited I was for their set, I was maybe most curious about how Glass Animals' trippy sound would translate to a live atmosphere, especially at a paltry 1:30pm time slot. But through the beaming sun and sweaty crowd, the unmistakable guitar strums of "Hazey" penetrated the thick air. Frontman Dave Bayley wasn't shy at all about showing off his falsetto, sounding just as airy and atmospheric as he does on record.

Hit single "Gooey" was an ecstatic sing-along, albeit with much less punch on the drum kick than in the studio version. Similarly, "Toes" had the crowd nodding in agreement with the mantra: "I got toes, and I can smile."

The highlight was - and I still can't believe they actually played this - a funked-out cover of Kanye West's "Love Lockdown" formerly confined to a b-side on the "Gooey" single. The lads brought their all into the left-of-center rendition complete with bass plucks and "ahhh-OOH" harmonies.

We actually had the pleasure of meeting Dave after the set, and I thanked him personally for "Love Lockdown". A very nice guy. This caused us to be a bit late, but we still showed up a few songs into...

Portugal. The Man

I had missed the Portugal set in Columbia last year, so I was anticipating this one as we headed over to the tune of "Purple Yellow Red & Blue". Due to how tired we were after Glass Animals, however, Portugal became a chill set to which we swayed from sitting spots just outside of the crowd. Their loud pop-rock carried far beyond the reaches of the main stage, with the opening synths of "Modern Jesus" ringing clear even from the water station across the park.

Some bands just work well on a main stage, and Portugal fit the bill. Opting to play hits like "Purple" early on, the remainder of the set was comprised mostly of deep cuts, proving the prowess of what some may have called a one trick pony.

Just when I thought I had Portugal's set pinned down as just another festival-rock show, they changed my tune with one of the funniest cover moments of the festival - "Dayman" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm not really sure how to describe just how great this was. Luckily, I have video:

We skipped out on Young & Sick in order to secure good seats at the main stage. I'll continue shortly with my reviews of Trombone Shorty and Cherub!